It’s been a week since Doodle’s surgery. She finished her antibiotics and pain meds but is still on a soft diet for another seven days. We have an appointment on Monday to have her staples removed and talk with the vet. I’ve been giving her bone broth, Golden Paste, CBD oil, and will be starting her on Benadryl and Tagamet. It seems like her mouth still bothers her once in awhile but otherwise everything is back to normal in her world.
I’m not a writer. I’ve struggled with this post since last night trying to figure out what to say. Long story short, Doodle had surgery on Wednesday to have a lump on her leg removed. Yesterday I got the biopsy results which turned out to be ‘Mast Cell Tumor, Low Grade, Grade II’.
I was absolutely not expecting that, completely blind sided. I am trying to to keep busy so my mind doesn’t have to process it, think about it. We have an appointment on the 16th to have the sutures removed and chat with the vet.
Today would have been Mr B’s 13th birthday.
I miss him terribly. I think about him every day. To say those things doesn’t even begin to touch upon how I feel. Sitting here writing this the tears are starting to burn and he’s been gone almost two years.
He came into my life when I wasn’t specifically looking for a dog; I had no experience with either a senior dog or a deaf dog. Surrendered to the shelter because he was ‘too difficult to care for’ he was by far the easiest dog I’ve ever had. After bringing him home there was no adjustment period for anyone, it was like he’d always been a part of the family. He loved his family, both human and dog, walks and car rides, cheeseburgers and fries…all with equal Big B enthusiasm. Every afternoon he’d wander off to either my bedroom or the deck room for a long nap. Waking up he’d discover he was alone and bark: a single, deep, large dog woof! Every day that made me smile and it was a very long time before I stopped expecting to hear that.
The most important thing I learned from Mr B was to make time for the dogs. I take pictures and more videos now, even if it’s nothing out of the ordinary. The housework and laundry will always be there; the tv show can wait. So when Teddy wants to go outside yet again, when Doodle does her wiggle dance for some scratches I do stop and take the time, make those things happen: The only thing wrong with dogs is that they can’t live forever.
Mr B outlived the time he was given when first diagnosed but of course it’s never enough. Even with arthritis, a quickly growing brain tumor, and finally respiratory distress he didn’t complain, didn’t ask for anything. In the world of dogs he was a gentleman; to me he was an incredibly special gift.
For this week’s Discover challenge, let’s focus on memory. In any medium you choose (text, photography, ink, watercolor, oil paints, collage….) recall an event, experience, or object that holds special meaning for you.
I received the email with this challenge early in the morning and the first idea that came to mind was Mr B’s last day. Almost a year and a half ago but I remember it very, very clearly…
Mr B left us a year ago today. I still miss him terribly-Christmas was particularly difficult-and I doubt that will ever change. They aren’t ‘just dogs’, they are family.
My youngest daughter took a lot of photos while we were at the vet saying good bye to Mr B. I uploaded them to my computer right away but haven’t been able to look at them until now. This was his very last photo. I miss that dog so much.
Please don’t tell me to get another dog, that doing so will help. Even if I didn’t have the four other dogs that wouldn’t be an option.
If you lost a spouse, a sibling, a child would it be ok for me to tell you to get another? And yes, losing a dog is the same thing. I still think about him, dream about him, wait for his single bark because he woke up from a nap alone, wait to see his excited dance at meal time. Those things won’t ever go away; I’m starting to cry even as I sit here writing this.
In trying to be kind sometimes the words we choose can cause more pain than comfort.